gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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