You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
