I think I am morally bankrupt
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
