I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
