fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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