I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
