Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
