Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
