Can i not drive my cunt home
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
