A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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