If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
