roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
