after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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