and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
