Swine flu is the new snow day.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
