My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
