you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
