you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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