So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
