I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
zippers are such a cool invention
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
