This girl is more easily done than said...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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