So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
