I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
