I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
do herpes really smell.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
