just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
...so i touched it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
