no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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