i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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