haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
