It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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