No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
