Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
