I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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