if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
