Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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