He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
