We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
