There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
