I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
