Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
