No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize