how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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