I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
