He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
