i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize