But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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