so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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