The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
