We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
