i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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