shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
