So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
