it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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