I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
