Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
this beer tastes like vomit already
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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