and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
