Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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