Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Houston, we have a blender
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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