hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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