You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
