Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
