last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
