apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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