i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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