I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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