i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
