I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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