just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
