It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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