We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Randomize
