My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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