I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
