From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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