Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
