You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
