I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Randomize
