YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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