Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
